The Latest From AngelaHoy.com

This week, Richard’s grandmother is visiting us from Texas. She’s 83 and quite a spunky and opinionated gal. Needless to say, we get along just fine and we have a lot of the same opinions about politics, parenting, and family members who aren’t here to defend themselves. Ha!

Before she arrived, Richard and I giggled ourselves silly one day thinking how funny it would be to teach Max a bad word before she arrived, just to see him get a rise out of her. We, of course, never followed through. We’d never do that. But, it was funny to imagine her reaction.

Max is at the stage in his verbal development where he can pick up several new words a day, often after only hearing them once. He called two family friends by their names for the first time today, yelled “Keys!” this morning before tossing them in my direction (I heard him and ducked), and is a constant source of amusement with new words coming out when we least expect them to. And, he never stops! He talks continuously from the time he wakes up until he passes out from exhaustion at night.

Last night, Ali and Max were playing Ring Around the Rosie in the yard. As we were all singing, Max and Ali danced around and around and fell down about, I don’t know…50 or more times. Finally, I said, “Okay, last time you two. Ready? Ring Around the Rosie, Pocket Full of Posies, Ashes, ashes, We all fall down!”

Max fell down and got back up just as we all stood up to go inside. He didn’t understand why were weren’t singing again, so he stood there, put his hands on his hips and yelled, “Ass, ass! Ass, ass! Ass, ass!”

Grandma froze and stood there with her mouth agape. I think she was in shock. Richard and I were trying to keep a straight face but ended up laughing ourselves into convulsions. Ali was the one who finally figured it out. Max was trying to say, “Ashes, ashes!”

So, Richard and I didn’t have to teach Max a dirty word after all. He came up with one all by himself. What a smart cookie!

Have a super day everybody!

Some of you may remember that I went through a nasty separation and divorce in 1998. After the separation (complete with frequent visits to our home by the police, and a protective order) the divorce was granted. A few weeks later, my ex decided he was not going to pay child support. And, a few months after that, I I found myself unemployed and financially destitute. Ashamed of my circumstances, I hid my financial straits from everyone, including my parents and Richard (who planned to marry me). It was at that time that I buried myself in writing new books and publicizing WritersWeekly. The new subscribers and resulting book sales enabled me and the children to start eating normally again. No, I’m not kidding. And, at that time, my ex was living in a waterfront home and not paying his court-ordered child support.

In 1999, Richard and I got married, moved with the children to Massachusetts and were very happy. Despite our happiness, there was always the shadow of my ex-husband (his angry phone calls, degrading comments, manipulation of the children and severe neglect of them on the few occasions when they visited him) in the background.

In July, 2001, some of you may remember that Richard and I went to Las Vegas for our delayed honeymoon. The children spent four days with their father in Texas. What I couldn’t tell you at that time was that the trip turned out to be hell on the children, and they’re still suffering from the psychological effects today. When we returned to Maine, Richard and I immediately put the children into therapy and hired a law firm. I was intent on changing their father’s visitation rights to supervised visitation only. However, things escalated far beyond that over the following months and it was like we were getting divorced all over again. It was extremely stressful on all of us. And, all during that time, I wanted to tell you all what we were going through (your kind emails are a huge boost to me when life gets too serious!), but I couldn’t because of the pending court action.

While we were dealing with that, a friend of mine called one day asking if I could help her fill out some child custody forms for court. While I was taking her to court and the social services office for welfare, shelter and food stamps, her husband pulled her son out of a the grandmother’s moving car and kidnapped him.

We never suspected her spouse would hunt for the grandmother that afternoon, and we certainly never suspected he would kidnap one of the children. Unfortunately, many women never suspect their estranged spouses will do anything violent when they say the word ‘divorce.’ But, many do turn violent and do and say things that are completely out of character for them. Police and some mental health professionals call this “Divorce Psychosis.”

That night, I had a revelation about a book idea. The thoughts and ideas for chapters flew through my mind so fast that I didn’t know where they were coming from. I felt someone was trying to tell me to do this, and to do it now. Over the following weeks, I sought help from other divorced women who wanted to share advice they wish they’d known before their own divorces. Their stories are tragic, from the wife of a priest who kidnapped her children from nursery school (she didn’t see them again for 24 years) to the woman who is still being stalked by her ex-husband, years after the divorce was final. But, every one of these women survived and have a story to tell and wisdom to share. All along, I planned to offer this book for free to women who need it. If I could teach thousands of women what to expect during a divorce, perhaps just one kidnapping or murder would be avoided…perhaps many more than one. Sales of the print book would enable us to send free copies to shelters, therapists and women’s and children’s organizations.

The result, The Emergency Divorce Handbook for Women, is, in my opinion, the finest book I’ve ever worked on. The women whose stories appear therein, myself included, know this book can help thousands of women who are considering divorce but don’t know what to do to protect themselves and their children during the process. This is not a legal aid; it’s an emotional link to other women who want to help. It’s only when you can talk to someone who’s been there that you find out how things really work and what to expect.

While the details of everything above (from what my life was like married to an alcoholic to the graphic aftermath and resulting court action) are in the book, I want to announce today, to our readers and friends, that on February 19th, we appeared in court and my husband, Richard Hoy, adopted Zach, Ali and Frank. Though they’ve considered Richard their Daddy for four years now, they were thrilled to make it official.

Richard is the most loving and selfless person I have ever known. And, I will never be able to express to Richard, in words, the special gift he has given to my children…our children.

You can read an excerpt from the book (part of my story) along with the table of contents here:
http://www.angelahoy.com/book/excerpt.html

Hugs to all!
Angela